How to win arguments

Here is the next in the 'HOW TO' series.. This time it's on how to win arguments.. People always find it difficult to argue but arguments are actually very easy to win.. All it requires is the right strategy.. And arguments are actually quite healthy coz it lets you see the different perspectives on a topic.. Besides, argument is infact just a medium to get your point across.. This is one of the reasons why I argue..

And arguably, I am good at arguing.. But most of the times, I am not really arguing - I am just pointing out a different perspective because it makes me feel good that I could think something different.. There is this huge difference between arguments and pointing out various aspects of some situation.. And evidently, it seems when I do the latter, no one is able to distinguish it from the former.. And I end up being the bad guy.. Well, probably I am the bad guy.. Maybe I am not (Anyone wanna argue on that? ;) )

Methods to argue :)

And since most would argue that there is no need to spin any more yarn and I should just get to the point, here I list the general DO's and DONT's for any argument:

1. IT'S NOT A FIGHT
   One of the first and foremost things to remember is this - This is not a fight! If your point of view is wrong, just accept it.. If the other person is not getting your point no matter what, just back down.. And don't get aggressive! And NEVER get physical over an argument!
2. Attack the point of view, not the person
   One of the biggest misconceptions/ mistakes is that when you argue over something, people consider it as an attack on themselves while in fact argument is just on the topic/ point of view/ perspective.. Which is why, in a good argument, neither parties should get personal.. So always remember to attack the topic, not the person. (ofcourse, some arguments are on core personal values/ beliefs in which case it is personal and you should be very careful about how you broach the topic)
3. Never raise your voice
   If you are indeed trying to get your point across, then there is no point in raising your voice.. bigger voice does not mean you are right! Besides, you are not giving orders or subduing someone into being your subordinate or worse, your every-bidding-fulfilling-slave! So, stay calm.. I repeat, don't get aggressive!
4. Never belittle the opponent
   Just coz you are in an argument where you are right (or you seem right) does not mean you are superior to the other person.. You maybe right now and wrong on some other topics.. So never belittle the opponent or rub it in or crush them like spiders!
5. Win or lose gracefully
   Whether you win or lose an argument, its still just an argument.. you might win/ lose now and then lose/ win later... So winning one argument doesn't make you a great person and losing an argument doesn't make you a wimp!

Now that we have gone over the DO's and DONT's, let's get on with the actual strategy of winning an argument :) And the strategy is quite simple to know and remember but hard to implement - If you can't convince them, confuse them! Here are some tips to win any argument:

Okay, don't do that.. But, seriously, try following the following:

1. Always know what you are going to argue about
   Don't ever start an argument for the heck of it (unless you are just trying to piss someone off and you don't really care whether you get your points across or not!!!) Have a clear idea of what point you want to send across and work on that.
2. List down points
   Always list your arguments into points.. if you don't have too many points, break the one's you have into smaller ones. This has the advantage of giving the impression that you know what you are taking about and your point of view must be true if you are able to point so many things and foremost of all, it is excellent to intimidate the opponent who will get overwhelmed by the sheer 'number' of things you have to say.
3. Always use examples while arguing
   Using examples to explain your points has multiple advantages and is one of the key strategies in winning any argument.
   Using examples:
   a) Allows the opponent to exactly understand what you are trying to mean (since nothing explains as easily as examples do)
   b) Brings the argument into your world since its your example and thereby gets the argument under your control (so you can steer him/ her to go in any direction you want them to go)
   c) Distracts the opponent from the REAL thing.. you can keep the opponent confused with so many examples that eventually they will have to give up or forget what they were fighting on!
4. Use the Brahmastra
   Okay, you have tried the other tricks or you still need time to think about how to convince (or confuse) the opponent. What do you do? You can't just stand around staring at them! Simple. Just dare them to give 3 good points to support their point of view. The following are the possible outcomes:
   a) They cannot come up with 3 good points and they might themselves accept defeat (you'd be lucky if this happened to you, but it can happen!)
   b) They are coming up with reasons but they themselves don't seem too sure about it or they are unable to give 3 full good reasons. This again is child's play. Just point out how ridiculous the reasons are or how they cannot even come up with 3 reasons to support their theory and they will accept defeat.
   c) They come up with 3 really good reasons. Well, in that case, you now have had enough time to think on your own plus use their reasons as food for your thought. If you still cannot think of anything, please just accept defeat! You can get them next time.

And there you have it. Simple steps to win any argument. Repeat the mantra again "If you can't convince them, confuse them!"

As always, time to warn you about some things:

1. Never argue incessantly. Stop at a point and either accept defeat or force a draw. No point winning an argument and losing a friend in the process!
2. Never argue for each and everything!
3. Never think no one can beat you in an argument!
4. Never let your guard down while arguing!
5. Never take arguments personally!
   And most importantly
6. Never argue with your girlfriend/ wife!!!!
7. Never try what I taught you, on me!

All the best and enjoy arguing :)

How not to tell the truth...

Note: This is the first of the 'HOW TO' series that I have thought up for ppl.. Even if it doesn't really help you in anyway, it can just be a good read.. So read on..

Honesty is, honestly, the best policy! But, lets be honest here.. We are a bunch of dishonest ppl.. We'd be lying if we said we were honest.. The only difference is the reason for lying. As long as it is not something that's unfairly disadvantageous to someone or overtly advantageous to one self, you can lie... 

Simply put - Don't lie if it ll hurt someone and Don't lie if it's just to get you something... So, why do we have to think so much abt lying, you ask? Coz even if we are dishonest people (at times), we are ethical and have a clear conscience.. (For those who ask me what a conscience is, pls ignore the post, this is not for you..) So there you have it.. I could never lie abt something that ll keep pricking me later..

Having seen the better part of honesty, I think it's about time to give a few hints & tips.. (tricks of the trade, you might say!)

So here is a list of some things that you can do when you HAVE to lie..

1. KISS - Keep it Simple, Stupid!
   Always keep the lie simple.. This does not mean you should just tell a one line lie and not discuss anything more on that.. What I simply mean is DON'T ever think of a complex scenario for the lying. Take common things from life and use them as an excuse. Since it's something that can happen anytime to anyone, using a day to day 'happening' as an excuse is the easiest way out..
2. Make it bold
   7 out of 10 times, you can get away with a lie if it's bold enough to make them think you couldn't have made it up.. but there is a difference between a bold lie and an outrageous one!
3. Mind your body
   Be extra careful about your body language/ stance/ line of sight etc.. don't fidget or seem uncomfortable.. You should actually look like you are explaining what happened.. And look the person in the eye while talking..
4. Never use the same excuse
   Never use the same excuse, especially with the same person and never within short periods of time.. this not only loses your credibility, but also rusts your thinking capacity to come up with good excuses!
5. Don't try to be spontaneous
   Don't ever try to be spontaneous in your lies!!! Unless, you really are quick witted & you can think on your feet or you are talking to people who are so gullible that they ll buy anything you say.. Which is quite rare.. So always prepare yourself..
6. Add a few minor details
   Always add a few unessential non-consequential details to your lie coz that ll make it look more real... this could be a fleeting-glance kind of stuff or anything else that will in no way directly add to your story..
7. Believe the lie
   If you don't believe your own story, no one else will!! So, always believe your own lies.. believe them to be the truth.. only then can you be confident and unwavering against insurmountable odds..
8. Forget what actually happened, remember your version
   Don't ever try to keep two different versions in your head... remember the version you want the others to know.. this way you don't have to think twice in case you have to repeat the story.. one version, one story.. till the end
9. Don't tell different versions to different ppl
   Whatever you do, don't tell different ppl different versions of the same story! There is no way you will remember what you told whom.. Stick to one story.. everywhere...
10. Use facts/ other truths
    In case you are having to tell a complex lie, always use facts in between... or things that the other person knows for sure is the truth... If you say 4 sure-truths and one lie, chances are, you can get away with it..
11. Don't use unconfirmed alibi's
    Don't ever try to drop names or say you saw/ heard things, as part of your story unless you know for sure that they are completely unverifiable or you are sure beyond doubt that the person/ thing was there! Be vague about the details you give.. try to avoid actually using names of ppl or person unless you are sure they cannot be reached/ verified
12. Do a background check
    Always make sure that the person you lie to has no way of meeting someone who knows the truth.. In case you do think it's possible, either take the other person into confidence or simply don't lie!
13. Make someone collaborate your story
    If you have a trustworthy friend, you can make them collaborate your story... But this has to rehearsed such that you two don't give out two different versions.. The best way for this to work is to never tell the story together and to always remember that one of you should miss some details that the other will tell as part of his/ her recounting... And it works better if the other person tells the story first so that it actually looks like you are just recounting the same thing...
14. Never share the truth
    Never share the truth with anyone unless you are very sure they are trustworthy.. and if you must, never share it with more than 2 persons!
15. Never boast about your lying skills
    If ppl know you are a liar or that you are good at lying, there is a greater chance that all your stories will be scrutinized and its possible no one will believe you even if you told the truth (remember the story about the boy who cried wolf!)
    

Well then.. now that you know some pointers to get you started, here are some common misconceptions about lying:

1. If the story is elaborate, then its a lie
   It is actually possible that someone tells an elaborate story and it's the truth.. Some ppl just tend to be 'descriptive' (like me).. So don't take a story as false just coz it sounds elaborate
2. If you are good at lying, you are good at catching one too
   This is one of the first things you have to understand. You may be very good at lying but might never be able to catch someone else lying.. Coz lying is an individual thing and depends from person to person.. Even if the person uses the same tactics as yours, the credibility of the lie is in the manner of speaking, the body language etc... Besides, anyone can fake body language.. So don't be confident about catching lies
3. If you have an accomplice, you can get away with the lie
   More often than not, the lie is caught coz of the very accomplice that you might trust.. so don't go for an accomplice unless you know the person completely and you have rehearsed on the story..
4. If you got away with a lie with someone, you can get away with them every time
   This is probably the biggest mistake you can make.. Just because someone bought the story from you once shouldn't make you confident that they ll fall for you every time..
5. If your story was bought once, you ll never get caught
   The second biggest mistake is to think that if things are okay after lying, you will never get caught.. If you have lied, it is bound to come out sometime.. You should always be on guard or ready to face the consequence.

I think that just about covers the whole thing with lying. Now, if you are thinking why I would go ahead and let the secret out or wondering why I don't seem to panic that ppl will know when I am lying, it's simply coz I don't use these tactics.. at all.. Actually, I can say I almost never lie :D Now I ll let you try and master the art and come up with my tactic..

And before I sign off, here are 3 golden sacred rules to swear by:

1. Never make an habit of lying
2. Never lie for silly things
3. Never lie if it ll hurt someone

And remember what Abe Lincoln said - "You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time"

Love...

I am so sure that anyone reading this is going to think that I am going to talk about my love life (or ppl knowing me - the lack of it), I fell the necessity to clarify in the very beginning - no on both counts.. I am not even going to talk about any fantasy or how my dream girl should be like..

This post is a simple attempt to demystify love.. or simply put, what I think love is.. Now, if you are wondering that I have no experience and should therefore have no authority to comment on love, let me clarify that as a person who is more in love with the idea of being in love (as rightly pointed out by a few of my friends) and coz I am mostly surrounded by couples, I have had the opportunity to watch and observe love at a close range and can therefore consider myself as an "expert" of sorts..

And yes, love is mysterious.. there is no one definition for love.. heck, even the one's present seem contradictory.. so, here is my attempt to try and explain about love based on other ppl's experience.. (for ppl who don't understand, this was my disclaimer meaning that if you have any qualms about what you read below, take it up with "The PPL"!)

So, with hundreds of love quotes for every situation, thousands of advices on how to proceed and millions of stories, both successful and the not-so-successful already available out there, here I am risking my hand at the daunting (and pretty much self catastrophic) task of defining love:

(Note: Her is interchangeable with Him)

1. Love, can happen to anyone at anytime (mostly at the least expected time and many a times with the least expected person - or that's how your friends will claim later!)
2. Love, is that feeling of attraction that just doesn't go away with closeness (I don't just mean physical. Some argue that attraction is there only till the magic of mystery is present & once you know the person, the magic is gone.. Love doesn't fall under that argument.. You know the person completely and you are still attracted to that person)
3. Love, is the not-so-self-evident flying of sparks when you are with her
4. Love, is that longing feeling of wanting to be with her but not necessarily doing something (you look forward to being with her but when you are, you can't really think of anything to do - you are just content with the proximity)
5. Love, is missing her after spending the whole day with her
6. Love, is having a million things to talk and then staying silent after meeting
7. Love, is the jealousy that someone might mean more to her than you
8. Love, is fighting madly and then loving even more madly!
9. Love, is being angry on her and yet not being able to stop worrying about her
10. Love, is being grumpy after waking up but becoming cheerful by a msg or call from her
11. Love, is wanting to do something just because she wants to (attention to the subtle difference between "doing something for her" and "wanting to do something for her")
12. Love, is eating your least favorite dish because it's her favorite
13. Love, is trying to impress her even though you know she is completely yours
14. Love, is looking at other girls but still wanting her
15. Love, is defending her even though you know she is wrong
16. Love, is knowing that she is not perfect but still thinking she is
17. Love, is holding her reassuringly coz she got scared of a cockroach
18. Love, is letting her sleep on your hand the whole night
19. Love, is wanting to wake up to her voice
20. Love, is fighting with her and then not being fine with anyone else
21. Love, is letting her win
22. Love, is doing things for her even if she won't know it
23. Love, is letting her think she loves you more than you love her
24. Love, is loving her even when you think things will never work out
25. Love, is waiting for her when she says she will never come back

I will stop here and let the feeling sink in..  Love is a wonderful feeling that everyone should experience, not necessarily before marriage.. Coz as they say, Marriage is falling in love multiple times - always with the same person...

Disclaimer: Close Friends are known to experience many of the above and you could just be having a crush on someone.. What I mean is, you need not be in love just coz u feel some of the above..