It's your life..

Meri life kisi se alag nahi thi..
Farak sirf itna tha..
Mujhe super blogger banna tha..
Aur sab se bada blogger banna tha..
Computer badla.. blog sites badle..
Nahi badla to wahi sawal - "Have I made it large?"

And as I look back at my posts and go through them, I get the answer to that question and I immediately realize "Damn! I should have taken some other Ad as an inspiration!"

The WTF diaries..

  Life has a lot to offer - sometimes good, soemtimes bad.. life tests you, surprises you, trips you, bewilders you.. sometimes it makes you go weak in the knees, sometimes it lets you show your strength.. And sometimes, it just makes you go WTF!!! Here is a tribute to some such moments - without which, life would probably have been less depressing.. but also less interesting...

Disclaimers:

1. Even though I like to write loooong posts, to keep my readers alive (all 3 of them), I will stick to only 2 stories..
2. The event descriptions may have been exaggerated a bit for your amusement (or to disguise my actual embarrassment).
3. If you take this out in public EVER, I would, in all probability, just feign ignorance and claim all this is just a figment of your imagination! And somebody will get hurt real bad...

Story 1:

I was in my 10th Std and my friends had decided to watch Gone in 60 Seconds. The theatre was just 15 mins from my home and so it was my duty to book in advance (this is a time more than 10 years back when online booking was not yet introduced.. heck, we only had dial up connections and that too 36.6kbps!!!) Anyways, being the loyal friend that I was, I went ahead to book the tickets for myself and 6 of my friends.. And as I was leaving, my brother said he wanted to go too.. (which was quite a rare thing.. he prefers to watch movies alone and even if he "has" to take company, he definitely doesn't want me.. partly coz I am never quiet during the movie.. but more so coz I was too young and used to bug him to tell me what was going on.. in my defense, I would like to point that I was in 10th and though I loved watching English movies, it wasn't really my forte.. then..) Anyways, there I was, 20 mins before the show time, tickets already booked the previous day for 8 ppl - 4 of my class mates, 2 building friends who were 2 yrs younger to me and my brother only to learn that one of my friend S was running late. It was almost show time and he still hadn't come.. As always, I volunteered to wait and my friends stayed back too. I sent in my bro since he didn't want to miss any part of the movie..

Finally, with 3 minutes for the movie to start, S came running in.. we all moved towards to entrance only to be stopped by a moustached guy.. he took one look at me and my friends and immediately asked "Which standard are you studying?" And being the naive innocent guy that I was (and looking back now, I think I was pretty dumb too), I proudly announced "I am in 10th". The guy pointed at the poster and said "you can't go". My first thought was that I got the tickets to the wrong movie. Until I realized that he was pointing something specific in the poster - A.. with a circle around it. Looking at the confused look on my face, he said sternly "A movie hai. Tum allowed nahi ho" My face was already filling up with redness (part anger, part embarrassment) and while I was still stunned, he looked at my other friends and asked the same question. fortunately for them, 2 of them were tall for their age - around 5' 10" and one of them was already having a stubble.. which left only one slightly plump guy around my height.. the question was directed at him.. he looked down and after a full minute replied in a meek voice that he was studying in 11th.

I was thinking that that was stupidity. If he had the presence of mind to lie, he should at least have lied better.. he could have said 12th! 11th still meant he wasn't 18.. the guy asked him "ID dikhao".. bad lie and no proof.. I knew that did it! but his presence of mind persisted.. he boldly looked up and said "Why would I get my ID card to the theatre? In fact I don't even have my wallet!" As I was smirking inside for his feeble attempt, silently taking consolation in the fact that I would have company, the moustached guy said nothing more and let them in.. YES, you read right! except me and the 2 younger building friends, he let them all go... I know.. WTF, right?

The moustached guy (turns out he was the manager) instructed the security to not let us in and went on.. as I stood there seeing kids half my age going in unnoticed, there I was.. standing like a fool with 3 tickets in hand, not knowing what to do.. I was almost in tears.. The security looked sympathetically and said "Sorry, I can't disobey him" And in an attempt to keep what was left of my dignity I said "Waise bhi tumse bhik maangke nahi jaana hai.. I just wanted to know tickets ka kya karun?" After complaining at the ticket counter for selling me the tickets in the first place and then convincing some ppl that I was not selling my ticket in black, got rid of them and walked gloomily back home to my surprised parents..

Ofcourse, just to get back at the theatre guys, I got the DVD of the movie that weekend and watched it, only to find it didn't even have one scene that could be considered too indecently objectionable (compared to the other English movies/ sitcoms that I had already seen) which angered me even more! Aah well.. bad luck on my part.. and good luck on my friend's part who got away with a silly lie.. But it does explain why I insisted on sporting a moustache ever since and on seeing movies with A ratings ;)

---

Story 2:
This is just 3-4 yrs back.. I had gone to my hometown for holidays.. My parents had moved in back to our home only when I joined Engg. Till then, our home was rented out and we were roaming all over the place thanks to Dad's job profile.. Now, just 3 houses before ours there is this family which has an Alsatian dog wolf with deep black and brown fur.

A not so ferocious German Shepherd

And he looks way more ferocious than the pic above.. more ferocious looking than I can describe here.. And this dog is so well trained that anyone who comes within 3 feet of the house gate would get such a welcome that half your bodily organs would have come out of your mouth while other things would come out of other parts.. And unfortunately, this house is half way on the road of houses and so everyone gets a dose of it now and then.. well, I had gotten over the barking once I realized that the dog doesn't try to jump out of the gate and attack..


Back to story.. So there I was at home.. relaxing and whiling away time.. it was evening.. around 4.30.. and the sun was about to set.. and since it's not often that I come home, my mom decided this was the time to get me to do some chores and asked me to water the plants in our garden.. slowly as I dragged myself and finished up the watering, my mom reminded me that there were some samplings just outside our house compound.. So I obediently stepped out with a small bucket of water, all the while talking to my mom when she started to slowly walk towards the gate and close it.. This action perplexed me since I was just about done and called out to her to tell that there was no need to close the gate.. until I noticed she was looking not at me but at someone else to my left.. When I turned to my left, I saw the same dog standing half a feet away from me looking for something on the ground.. My mom had closed the gate to save herself.. leaving her only second son, out in the open with that monster.. thaaya pullaya irunthum, naaya pullaya nu varum pothu naayu dan mukkiyam nu thonichu**


There I stood, horrified and rooted to place as it approached nearer... feeling betrayed and wondering how many parts I would be torn into.. I even contemplated hitting it with the bucket and making a run for it.. but the gate was closed.. I wouldn't have enough time.. while I was still thinking my escape route, the dog was sniffing at my knee.. I slowly extended my hand in to appease the monster and appeal to the "man's-best-friend" within it.. And quite unexpectedly, it looked up at me and licked my hand.. it took me a couple of seconds to understand it wasn't going to do anything more.. it continued to lick my hand and I started to pat it's head and ruffle it's fur.. it immediately sat on my foot and let me play with it's fur.. Too afraid to move, I kept patting him and called out to the aunty.. She came out and gave those affectionate look
Neighbor (N): "Aaww.. he likes you"..
Me: "Likes me?? Pls just take him away!"
N: "But he is like a kid! he doesn't do a thing"
Me: "ya right! he doesn't do a thing to you coz he is your dog! just take him off me!"


And with a sad look the aunty took the dog away.. while I slowly stepped into my house, closed the gate and gave that "how-could-you" look to my mom.. She defensively said "But that's such a huge dog and you know I scared of dogs! Besides, there had to be someone to take care of you in case it bit you!".



** Equivalent English translation: When it came to choose between the fear of a dog and the mother's love for her son, she chose the dog!

Of mumbling martians and murmuring earthlings...

Ok, I ll admit... the title is just coz it seemed to sound nice.. this post doesn't really talk abt murmuring earthlings.. But it does say something about martians.. The biggest question of whether we are alone in this universe and whether there is indeed life on Mars has finally been answered.. Well, not exactly.. but hey, I did find a Martian.. and a mumbling one at that.. and she is on the loose here on Earth..


Without further ado, let me introduce you to the Mumbling Martian. A blogger who writes the way I would have wanted to {given a chance to restart and start all over and all that.. but you get the point}.. Inherent humor, a good command over the language and the most appealing part - the ability to laugh at one's own shortcomings/ miseries without invoking pity or sounding lame..


Here's to Paru - the new entry in the blogosphere; Hip Hip Hooray! You are gonna create quite a storm soon!


All the best and keep writing! :)