The Void

 

This is a topic of constant debate between me and a dear friend of mine.. What is The Void? (The capitalization is intentional - it's what differentiates The Void from space void and programming void) And more importantly, how is The Void different from just being alone or feeling lonely (which in themselves are quite different.. being alone is physical.. feeling lonely can happen in a crowd)


Whats The Void then? well.. it's almost like feeling lonely but more constant, a lot deeper and very hard to fill.. it's almost like an empty space.. or a missing jigsaw piece from a puzzle... something that's always there at the back of your mind.. something that you only realize is there from time to time..


How is it still different from being lonely? Because, loneliness can be resolved by companionship.. The Void could be lack of companionship, lack of specific goals, lack of order in life or anything else for that matter.. And it's The Void because it's harder to know what's missing.. Just the knowledge that something is missing.. But not just a subtle feeling of something missing.. It's an aching feeling of missing something.. You can't do anything because you know there is something missing.. But you don't know what's missing so you still can't do anything about it...

And that's the damning part - you don't realize you have The Void (atleast not that easily) And when you do, you realize only it's presence.. not what or why... And it just lingers there.. till someday it gets filled on its own.. and that's when you really know what it was that you were missing..


Some of us just learn to live with The Void. Others spend their lifetime trying to fill it.. And there are a few who just live without realizing it's there.. Probably, The Void is one place where ignorance is indeed bliss..

How I wish I were ignorant...

Superpowers...

Keeping recent events in mind, I think this is a topic that I want to "think out aloud".. It's a topic that I think quite often about.. thoughts about so many "what if"s and many more "if only"s... and over the years, as I grew older (not necessarily wiser), my thoughts and perspectives changed and eventually, my take on which superpower will win in the end...

Okay, I just realized that some might start to think this is a political topic and that I am going to drone about how US can't last for long and how we should be careful about China's tremendous growth and the sort... I am sorry to disappoint you but I am not that serious kind of person.. I am going to leave such a task to my friend the wannabe economist and just quibble about which superpower is the best to have.. Yes, I mean super powers like super-human strength, flying, invisibility, super-speed, laser visions etc..

And yes, I really am jobless enough to write about it.. But you have to admit, it's a fantasy that everyone of us has had at one point or the other.. And I WILL admit that I have prayed (and at times tried to offer bribes too) to get one super power or the other.. and thankfully, I didn't get any because I would always end up changing my mind over which power I want...

So here's a look over some of the powers that I thought would be awesome and then thought would not be of any use... Ofcourse, I am not considering mutant powers coz they are actually random mutations and very hard to repeat and besides, if I can mutate then so can someone else.. No, it has to be a super power that I get by mistake... if not for the awesomeness, then atleast for the sake of uniqueness..



First, a list of powers that were not even on my list:

• Super-strength - I am not a body buff and Arnie (a la pumping iron) is probably the only guy on whom those kind of muscles look good.. everyone else just look huge and abnormal.. besides, we all know what The Thing (Fantastic Four) goes through for having super strength.
• Super-Sense - Super sense is again of no use unless you have any other power that you can use along.. Think about it, what's the point of having super hearing or super sight if you can't actually do anything with what you see/ hear.. and with so much filth and stink around, I definitely don't want super smell!!!
• Super breath - I am very prone to cold so this is off the list :P
• Elasticity - I know Richards is the head of Fantastic Four, but somehow I never really fancied being able to stretch myself.. besides I already am stretching myself at work and for others.. so don't really need that power specifically ;)
• Ability to enter someone's subconscious - Think of inception.. you can enter anyone's mind but the world created there is yours.. you can do many things to a person... or for that matter, with the person ;) and that's its downfall.. this is not mind control.. just controlling the mental environment.. and you need to do this one person at a time.. so not really useful.. unless, all you want to do is fool around..

Okay, now for THE LIST: (Drums and Trumpets pls!!)

1. Flight: This is by far the most talked about super power. And everyone wants it.. And so did I. You could go wherever you want, no more traffic, no more petrol worries & no need for passport or visa! Okay, this one seemed cool in the beginning when I saw superman, but with so many airplanes, pollution and satellite tracking your every moment now a days, flying is no longer a good enough power unless you have something else too... besides, you also have to worry about high tech weapons... and flying in the night or cold air is a big problem.. so unless I have some other awesome power, just flight is not something I would  want anymore. I will quote Russel Peters here and say "BE A MAN!" stay & fight, don't think of flying away! 
2. Human Torch: The ability to turn into a man of fire? Wow! Now that's cool.. er.. hot.. er.. okay, whatever.. but then, there is no point of that coz you have to be careful about what you wear or what you touch, where you live and most importantly how much control you have over it! besides, worrying about getting caught in the rain is not worth it.. and now a days, you also have to worry about fire extinguishers and other man made super coolers.. besides, it ll attract too much attention, the whole point of having a super power is to be discreet about it!
3. Mind Control: Mind control is awesome.. you can make anyone do anything.. but it's too much of a power.. if you could make anyone do anything, it kills the fun of doing it.. I mean, forcing someone to do something is okay as long as its still their will.. but when there is no question of will, there is no sense of accomplishment or for that matter, any real challenge (unless you meet a complete imbecile!)
   
4. Ability to walk through walls & stuff: This is one of fav ones.. think of the possibilities.. all the good things and not so good things that can be done with this power ;) You can enter a bank and stop a robbery by giving out the details of where the hostages are kept.. if you are locked anywhere or tied down, you can just walk out of both... no one can shoot or try and kill you in any way (unless ofcourse they do it discreetly like using a sniper or something and that too only when you are not aware coz all other times, you can just let the things pass through you) so this is by far the best power to have.. except when you walk out a wall and realize you have walked out of the building itself and you were on the 10th floor or something or you walk INTO a mountain or through a ship into the water... okay, I can't really think of any problem with this power... so this is not really off my list :P
5. Teleportation: Correction - this is my fav power.. forget the power to fly.. who needs to fly and get caught when you can teleport and get away with things.. teleport to any of the wonders of the world, the places where not any man can go (including celebrity homes :P).. the possibilities are limitless.. this has all the plus of the ability to walk through stuff but is just way cooler and more options... ofcourse, you can still teleport into solid rock or into outer space by mistake.. but heck, I am willing to take that risk..
6. Invisibility: This is one of my most wanted powers.. invisibility.. the best power for doing good things as well as.. ahem.. you get the point.. you can almost always get away with things.. and even with heat sensors and micro particles and other such things that invisibility cannot overcome, I still liked this power.. until recently... some recent occurrences made me realize that being invisible is more of a curse than a wish.. to be there and do things and not being noticed at all is probably the worst thing that can happen to you... what's more worse than to be overlooked, unnoted, omitted or neglected.. think about it - you are right there and ppl won't know about it.. you would do things and no one would realize you did it... even the most noble and selfless super hero wants some recognition... besides, will you really be able to hear & see stuff that ppl would do in your presence thinking you are not there? probably you should get temporary invisibility just to know what ppl talk/ think about you so that you know who are the ppl who really care and those who just seem to care..

So, no power is actually worth having or has any advantage in the long run.. atleast, not on its own.. But having the ability to teleport wherever you want to, when being invisible - now that is something my mind would just love to be able to do ;) 


And a super power that some of my friends have:

A N D

Fever :)

I have always been proud about my higher resistance and strong will power.. So it is kind of surprise that I am infected... thanks to all the ppl around me.. a major blame on my roomie P... so now I am starting to get the fever.. but I am sure I won't get terminally ill... all these years of building resistance has to come to use somewhere...

Okay... let me explain... I don't mean cold/ cough wala fever... I am talking abt the cricket fever.. ppl knowing me know very well that I am not a sports person (unless u factor computer/ mobile games into the sports category :P).. and even though I am a proud Indian, the cricket bug just skipped me... its probably genetic.. My parents aren't huge fans of cricket.. neither is my brother.. my sil is a sports fan but in general i.e. she watches important cricket, tennis & football matches.. so m not sure which fan she is...

I am still not cricket crazy.. I can afford to skip watching a match without it constantly running in the back of my mind (like now.. the first WC 2011 match of India vs Bangladesh is going on in the hall while here I am writing this..) so my condition hasn't gotten that bad.. yet... but now, I am starting to remember player names (if u know me, u wud know that remembering names is my weakest point), get interested in knowing the schedule and also which teams are supposedly good and which are not... and I have even started playing fantasy cricket...


Okay.. maybe fantasy cricket doesn't count as part of the fever... but hey, I am improving since the last Twenty20 world cup... at that time, I used to select a team which eventually ended up having atleast 2 players who would not be playing the match that day (I know.. you are thinking that can happen to anyone.. but no.. these are players which everyone else seemingly knew would be missing the match.. It went so bad that colleagues started betting guessing which of the non players I would be choosing!)

But it's not just that... There is Sachin.. probably the only person I actually admire in the cricketing world.. and more so because of the kind of person he is rather than for cricket's sake.. And having heard (yet again) that this might be his last world cup (but this time, for real), I really do hope that India wins.. Sachin deserves this... And so does India...


And going by what I have heard (obviously I am not a stringent enough follower to make my own calculated decisions/ comments), the team is perfect to win the match. From what I understand, if the current set of men in blue don't win and since the top few won't be there for the next WC, we wont be winning for some time to come... 

So I think I ll let the fever get the better of me and root for India wid everyone else... here goes everything - Hip Hip Hooray for India! Hip Hip Hooray for Sachin! HopeIndiaWins the WC! or that I win something in fantasy cricket :P

Update: It seems I am out of the fever before it even started completely.. I haven't played fantasy cricket ever since I wrote this post.. But I have watched some of the matches which were simply splendid!

What do you do?

What do I do?

What do you do when You are surrounded by people but are still feeling alone?

What do you do when You don't have any work and yet you don't have any time for yourself?
What do you do when You can't stop talking but still don't manage to say some things?
What do you do when There is laughter on your face but you can't feel the joy?
What do you do when Everything seems right but everything feels wrong?
What do you do when You know what you want to do but are still unable to do it?
What do you do when You can't fall asleep but you can't do anything but lie down?
What do you do when You have nothing but you don't want anything?
What do you do when An excitement dies down before you can enjoy it?
What do you do when There is nothing new but you aren't bothered by it anymore?
What do you do when You keep thinking but can never decide?
What do you do when You walk into the night and can't feel the cold?
What do you do when You get hurt but it no longer pains?
What do you do when You keep breathing but don't feel like you lived?
What do you do when You wake up and wish you hadn't?
What do you do when You feel disconnected from the only ppl you ever connected to?
What do you do when You can feel everything but can't say a thing?
What do you do when You can' take it anymore but you can't run away?

What do you do when all you have are questions and not a single answer?

???

Strangely, that's exactly how things look to me now...

I really couldn't come up with a title.... and all I was trying to do was complete one of my "huge" posts in draft... but something inside me was tugging at the core.. it's as if I am writing mechanically and suddenly something gets my attention.. and my well tuned & habituated brain just hit a speed breaker... and then, I could not understand what I was writing.. or for that matter, why... I know this sounds crazy... I am not a regular blog writer.. I can't be having a writer's block... no.. it has to be something deeper...

The reason I started to blog was because of reading many a blogs and one of them (a blogger who is now a good friend) inspired me enough to actually start it up... to me, blogging was opening up a whole new world.. a world that was, for a change, completely under your control... it's my creation... I am the creator... I am the puppeteer... it's almost like I am God... No, I am not talking about religion or politics or about having any special power over anyone.. I am just talking about the feeling of power you get when you write...

For most, writing blogging is a way to vent yourself out.. for some, its to tell the world what you are too afraid to say in person... for me, its almost like magic... and its because of the tales I can weave with my words... mundane things turned interesting by use of one word over the other... attention to the detail, overlooking the looming obvious... the good, the bad, the ugly.. its all in my hands.. The knowledge that someone out there reading this would, for at least sometime, forget their worries, ignore their problems, overlook their shortcomings, come out of their sorrows and just lose themselves in my world.. a world they know nothing about.. but are not afraid to come in and explore... the feeling of elation that somehow somewhere, you managed to touch someone... that was what brought me here...

And I realize, that's not what I am doing.. heck! forget about doing it right or wrong, I don't think I have been doing it at all... all these posts about how and what happened to me and around me... apart from remaining as memories, are actually a part of me shared with someone... someone that I may not even know... I am under no illusion that someone would come back just to know what's happening with me... no.. if someone was to come back, it would be more to relive what I went through.. a sort of a portal where someone is transformed to where I was... to be able to see and feel things from my place... and why would someone want that, you ask? coz of two things - One: there is always this sense of content, a sense of belonging, that someone else is going through the same things that you would, had you been in their place... two and the simple reason why: we are so obsessed wid our own lives & its intricacies that it actually feels good to see life through someone else's eyes..

So, what does it all mean? If I am so sure of what I want to do and why I am doing it and, in this rare instance, know how to do it, where lies the problem? or considering this is rhetorical question (coz the answer is obviously me), the correct question is probably, what is the problem...

The fire for that power, that I envisaged in me, doesn't seem to be there... I am not getting the interest or the "high" that I expected... does it mean I am not cut out for writing? or does it just mean I haven't found the right things to write about? am I actually capable enough? or am I as disillusioned by my own fantasies as I am about my happiness? Is this a reflection of my state of mind? are my unspoken anger, frustrations, disappointments and  yearnings taking a toll on the thing that I thought I enjoyed? or am I just letting my cursed thinking to go on its wonder ride, letting my mind slip through the rabbit hole into a world filled with concocted reality - false that I want to believe, truths that I want to ignore...

When I start to write something, I am so full of energy.. the words just flow through me.. I don't have to think.. I know what I have to write and how exactly to write it.. and then something suddenly dies inside.. half way through.. like some ghost that had possessed me, suddenly realizing it had other important things to do and just vanishing away, leaving me in the cold... I am tempted to joke that I am missing the "spirit" of writing... but what if I really am...